what am i doing with my life
(the answer is nothing)
hello peoples of the NeoCities, hey hey hey,
what is uuuup amirite? ow my finger hurts to type
the end of twitter
anyway i am sad b/c tomorrow the bird site
shuts off their "legacy" version of the site,
(the non-react one y'know?)
and not only is the new one no better,
but it will break this cool hack i made
(and never used often enough)
It's (was) called The End of Twitter
and what's it was was a simple lil' CSS trick
to cut off the feed (main one or on a profile) after 15 tweets,
with a weird silly passive-agressive emoji cowboy sheriff
telling you that "you've reached the end of twitter".
ironically, for the last several months,
i've had that user style disabled,
preventing from reaping it's benefits,
and saving my sanity from the miserable land of twitter
anyway,
here's a github gist of the dang thing
enjoy it for the last few seconds of
""legacy"" twitter if you can ;P
corona beer virus
oh sweet jesus that looks terrible. w/e i'll fix it later
So, yea. The coranovirus (COVID-19).
It's bad. Yea. That's all I really have to say…
life
I have been feeling a bit depressed to be honest.
I should really expound upon this,
and I was going to do that in this post,
but making that fake tweet above took more than an hour.
Whoops.
yeah that's all for now. turns out i still exist regrettably
hello. how is everyone else doing today?
Oh, me? I'm just busy having a mental breakdown, don't mind me. :))
(why am i talking about this on neocities, you ask?
— because i don't know where else.
because i am ineffably broken.
because… because)
currently listening to 2 Years of Failure
(thank god for C418)
the site
so what's next for this site you might ask?
(i haven't completely forgotten about it!)
well for one i still have a big ol' pile of writings to upload.
and also… uhhh, other stuff. I don't even know at this point.
Actually, I'm not quite sure if I ever will manage
to upload anything ever again at this point.
I don't know where my life is headed…
I don't know if posting under a public alias is wise…
I don't know who I am anymore…
I don't know why I am posting such a random blog post
Yeaaah I am definitely regretting this posting this.
On so many levels.
Ah well.
The "Blogging" Problem
I recently had an epiphany about why
I'm struggling with blogging:
The current meaning of the word "blog".
I've touched on this before in a previous blog post.
My problem is that I am worrying too much trying to
write my posts all professional-like on a single subject;
the modern (read: corporate) style of "blogs".
But many early/traditional web logs are personal and
don't stick necessarily stick to one subject in a "post".
Tantek's 2002 log for example is written & styled
in a way that makes distinguishing separate "posts" hard.
The idea of separate posts (vs e.g. stream of consciousness)
is an invented concept, ands seems harmful at least for me.
This is all a rather long and convoluted way of saying that
calling this a "blog" and styling that way was a mistake.
Shoulda called it a journal & ditched the <article> tags.
Ah well.
My Sleep Problem
I've had a lot of trouble sleeping recently…
All my life, really.
But the web as of late has been very addictive for me.
Actually, it's not really the web that's the problem, it's…
IDK I can't think right now.
More on this later when think more good (so, never ;P)
Yet Another Halloween Passes
Every year here on NeoCities, halloween comes around,
and I see all the seasonal site decoration people put up,
and I think to myself, "hey I should do that too!".
And then I procrastinate, wait too long, and forget.
Ah well.
Happy Halloween! ;)
It's been a while since i've "blogged",
and longer since i've uploaded anything of worth.
(yes, i have that little regard for what i make)
I have no shortage of unfinished pages,
half-written blog posts, and flaky ideas laying around.
But I always seem to get distracted;
Distracted by some other unfinished page or post;
distracted by endless twitter feeds;
distracted by ancient "web logs" from the early 2000s,
when the Semantic Web was new & hip,
and bloggers critiqued other bloggers' hand-written html.
(not to mention the 676 open tabs I've accumulated…)
And I also… I also have so many other thoughts,
about blogging & writing & twitter & neocities &
and a thousand other things, all slipping in&out of my head.
But enough about all that. I have meandered
for long enough today. You, my dear reader, have suffered
through my post thus-far, and deserve something succinct
and substantial to nourish your soul. So, without furthrt ado,
are some takeaways & stuff i'm working on:
Takeaways
(and by "takeaways", I mean "thoughts that just occurred to me)
- I need to stop getting side-tracked by weird jokes in my source
- maybe i should blog less, but more often
- i should go outside more (this post was mostly written outside)
- i need to remember that perfection isn't possible, just ship it
- i still seem to mostly be creative at night. that sucks. wat do ?
Stuff I'm Working On
- links page, still, eventually, some day
- a "new" (corrupted/artistic) about page
- (and then a real new about page)
- a (very) short story i wrote thislast week! Oh Yeah!
- some seecret stuff
- all the other things i forgot or "placed on the backburner"
(and by "placed", I mean "thrown", and by "backburner", "trash fire")
Anyways, that's all for now, I really need to go to sleep.
(don't let the bed-bugs bite)
I'm Such a Nerd
Hello, this is just quick update to tell you that
I'm incompetant at web development apparently.
I recently was browsing MDN & discovered that
for..of loops are not supported in Internet Explorer…
Not only did this surprise me, but it made be feel real dumb,
since I (thought I) had specifically coded navbar.js
to be compatible with IE10+ but clearly I failed at research
because it previously used a for..of loop
Anyway, I fixed that and also refactored that code in general.
(BTW, here's what it looked like before if you're curious)
In Other News
I just recently downloaded and tried out NetSurf…
It's OK, but very basic, and the controls are a little weird
(I think because of being primarily for RISC OS & Amiga OS lol)
Korsse — now there's a cool neocity!
Nothing in particular, I was just browsing the activity page and
I like their site, it's good stuff. :> Lots of Hatsune Miku, heh.
If ever I finish it I will add them to my links page.
…Speaking of creative & unfinished things,
I really hoped I'm not doomed to only update this site's
code in increasingly nitpicky ways & nothing else…
I have a lot of unfinished pages lying around,
and I swear I'm capable of being creative too…
Ok I gotta go to bed now or my dad will be upset.
Have a good life and all that
The Night is Full of Life
The reason I'm writing a blog post at all today:
Tonight Last night while putting the chicken up,
a little possum crawled onto the side of the coop,
so I couldn't close the lid without crushing him.
But the little guy was super freaked out and
didn't know where to go, so we stood there a while.
Me holding the coop lid open, arms aching;
The chicken sitting on roost, waiting to sleep;
Lil possum clinging there, frozen & unsure.
A very awkward moment, made awkwarder when
the light on the side of the house turned off,
and I heard more rustling noises nearby.
Luckily the darkness seemed to embolden the lil fella,
as I could just make out his shadowy visage
finally slinking down the side of the coop.
In Other News
• I ran Ubuntu for a little bit on a live USB,
laughed at the terrible chromium-based Ubuntu Browser.
• Took two hours typing this up on my PocketCHIP,
because I thought it would be faster/less distracting.
• Wasted time in other ways, probably.
Okay, that's all I wanted to say.
I originally wrote this first section,
and meant to post it, last week. whoops
Neocities is Art
So two months ago I was browsing the Neocities Activity page
when I happened across combatbaby's blog,
and the April 16th post about their site myspacebaby
being displayed in Shapeshifters at the CAMH
(Contemporary Arts Museum Houston).
I thought it would be really neat to go see it in person,
and also view the other art being exhibited…
So naturally, I only managed to show up on the last day,
but I did finally make it to the exhibit lol.
It was really cool! All of it, especially the website
(it is definitely accentuated by the 2000s-era computer).
I just wish I had any aesthetic skills or creativity,
so that I could make geocities-style websites too.
Also, I noticed that the site was literally just
open in an ordinary browser in fullscreen mode.
I mean, what if someone were to stroll right up
and just close the tab? Or the browser?? o_O
In Other News
I am trying to get back into the swing of things,
by which I mean doing literally anything
vaguely productive. :P
I think I just need to stop trying
to push out mega updates,
and instead do one thing at a time.
Anyway, the next things on the hit-list include:
- Ripple House photos
- Links page
- (new) About page
- "Funny" Assignments
Also, I really should link to my Neocities profile
on the index page news section
since I'm doing a bad job of updating it, lol.
Today in news you didn't want to hear
My dad just drank water from a dirty cup next to the sink.
…But the cup wasn't just ordinary dirty;
it had been used to wash off chicken eggs.
Note: We have a pet chicken,
and we collect (and eat) the eggs.
This is how that makes me feel: 🤣 🤮
In other news
I have been, slowly but surely, working on my site.
I've been working on fixing my CSS (yet again),
and then I'll hopefully get around to my poetry.
(and maybe even upload some photos?? we'll see…)
I plan to talk about the details, and many things more,
when I get this major(?) site overhaul uploaded.
I'll get it done before 2020. I swear.
You can trust me… <-- that's a big lie, lol
Anyway, until then, uhm, have a good life I guess.
Because I am so bad, I have started a Podcast. Well,
"Podcast, sort of". Because I'm bored and updating
this site (with my poetry) terrifies me. So Podcast instead!
Well, anyway, whatever. I don't have a Supporter Account (yet),
so you can find the zeroth one on instaud.io.
First one coming later, because it suddenly decided
that my file is invalid, and I ain't got time for this.
Hopefully you find that mildly tolerable,
and here's to hoping... for good things, or something.
- I am very bad at remembering random thoughts that pop in my head… I wonder if all the things I need or want to say will actually end up in this list?
- New games are great and all, but old games don’t get enough credit. So many are still fun, still hold up to the test of time… Why have we abandoned them?
- As difficult as it is, it’s nice to stay offline, or at least away from “the feed”. There’s so many things we forget about that are right here nearby us; installed games, software of creation, weird gadgets and classic board games, and of course the outside world…
- “Blog” is such a funny word; it’s the result of abbreviating “web log”, yet most blogs today are (and are presumed be default,lt to be) very formal dissertations or official announcement. So far from their humble, often personal, sometimes mysterious origins. Though I don’t really do enough of either form…
- I should really update this site. I really do want to. I often lie awake at night thinking, dreaming about it. But I usually stay in bed to get a proper rest. But then I get up in the morning without any motivation to do barely anything, and probably play cookie clicker or spelunky (classic). How rarely do I open (much less use!) notepad or PICO-8 or twine (which until recently, i forgot about), or probably even other things I can’t even recall now
- For that matter (the previous), i have always wondered, barely understood as to why during the day i am apathetic, then come night time and i lay down as to sleep but suddenly i have sparks, ideas, inspiration, creative drive, all flying out of my head, Why is that? I earlier came to the conclusion it has to do with natural self-censorship (of ideas deemed dumb, silly, etc i mean) failing when fatigued, but that can’t seem to be the full answer. Or maybe I am actually cursed. Or maybe this is some inexplicable innate human trait that everyone experiences. I don’t know… but I would like to
- And why does every small little inkling of mine quickly exponentiate on paper/text like a cancerous growth. Good lord I had others thoughts to opine, things to say, but now I feel they have quite outlived any plausible welcome
- Oh, and just one thing more, I wish I didn’t care so much about views & follows on neocities? this place was, is supposed to be a refuge, but I seem to have ruined it for myself, and for those who were just curious as to what i share of that which i have said or done. Thank you, and that (really) is all, have a good life and don’t forget to sleep.
So, here I am again.
Writing yet another blog post late at night,
when I should be sleeping,
with little or no accompanying new uploads of content.
(Probably many typos too)
Why, why am I up writing this? What for, why now, publish
one of the dozens of blog post drafts instead, why don'tcha?
Quite frankly, I don't know either.
Wait, it's coming back to me…
Of course!, the usual; some "new" reason
for my FOP/lazy-work ethic/whatever,
along with some sides of excuses, promises, and "wit" like this.
But this time it's different, I swear!
So I suppose I should get on with it, then.
The small things
I live in Texas,
so it would be natural for me, also,
to be obsessed with bigness, right?
This update isn't big enough!
,
Just a blog post doesn't count!
,
This poem is too short
,
my brain screams at me, and more.
It also shrieks,
nothing you write is good enough!
, usually.
Except not so often when its short poetry, it would seem.
So maybe little bits of poetry is what I should upload,
what I should focus on, even make a "career" out of.
That's all folks!
Like I said, I am writting this when I should be sleeping,
prompted by thoughts in my head that popped out of the blue.
But maybe I should sweat the little things a bit more,
and the bigs one a bit less, at least for writing, right now.
Maybe I should just make little updates like this whenever,
instead of compiling giant tiny behemoths of stress.
Oh, wait, I already said that below, like, a dozen times.
Whatever. I'll get it, like, eventually (I hope).
Until next time
I suppose y'all deserve something,
so I pulled this outta my sack of poems:
There is no pain, so sharp, I think,
as a quickly judging glance.
It leaves a scar hard to ignore;
the look of distaste in their eyes...
> P.S. RE: Bonus!
Also busy (attempting) merging my laptop and pc versions
of both my wobsite & writing folders, which have
d i v e r g e d
SO When your nerd friends say to use git,
LISTEN TO THEM!!!
(or, just like, use dropbox or whatever, i guess)
So,
it's been a while, eh?
You might be wondering, why haven't I updated in, like,
*checks profile page*
at least a month?
Here is my story...
Harvey
So, Harvey happened, y'know. It also happened to affect
Houston, where I live. I bet you can see where this is going.
My parents's house was fine during Katrina, so we weren't
too worried, since there's no way it'll get higher, right?
Yeah, nope.
So the house flooded. A whole lotta stressful, chaotic
stuff then happened. More on that... Someday, when my head
isn't fuzzy, and I have more time on my hands.
The point is I was busy dealing witth all that, and just
just just just just just jjjsutujsd dfsurtkuadrhg;hd;adfda
Just
Sorry about that. I (just) can't think straight anymore,
(not that I could before), and everytime, everyhow I try
to write this post, which is meant to be explantory with
some minimal harvey-related info (more later, probs), I
end up writing, and sounding... unnatural, fake, at least
to me. Up to the just-splosion is as far ad I could make
it without losing my mind.
Enough
Somewhere, somewhen, I have mentioned that I have fairly
large backlog of ~~junk~~ writingss (also infinite photos
but who doesn't), but none of it is ever good, or lengthy,
or meaningful, enough (among other thinsgs).
But last night,
I had an epiphany after looking at Bill Wurtz's site;
~~I am the only person who can write good HTML/CSS~~
Just upload, whatever, whenever. If you constantly judge
everything super critically, nothing will ever be good.
(Like how I am with browsers, don't be like me kids)
So yea. That's why this update just consists of this broeken slightly blog
post. Definitely not b/c I needed to leave somewhere
quickly Like RiGHT NOW OH GOd GotttA GOOO AAAHHHH
FIN
Woops, again
Okay, so, y'know the last (poorly named) update,
"The Big Update"™...?
It was supposed to have an accompanying blog post.
(and if you've been reading my source code,
no it's not the commented-out way mess below)
So, like everything that I write, (esp. bloggy-
type junk like this), it was p much a trainwreck.
And embarressing.
Although I might reveal it or some snippets
thereof at some point, I'm not gonna do so right now.
(also i'm writing this on the school mac, so I don't
actually have it on me atm)
So what's this post about?
Good question!
*whispering to attendant*
what is this post about again?
"you're supposed to know that, sir!"
well i forgot so just like, tell me or make one up
"err, oaky sir, will do" [salute emoji]
This post is about the new news section and
the lesson(s) it teaches us about updating!
Obvisouly.
"Valuable" "Life" "Lessons"
For one, like, (probably) nobody likes clicking
through (often literally) dozens of links just to
read some old site news. Sure, it's sometimes neces-
sary, but def not on my site.
So using a(n(?)) HTML checkbox, which are cool tbh,
I used "CSS Sorcery"™, and magically did stuff.
Just... go look at the source... oaky?
(I'm very bad at explaining)
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY!
So, you see that there (published) blog post
right below this one? That mentions other
"neocityzens" just pushing out little updates
most of the time? Yea. Just, do that, ME.
So the conclusion is...?
That I talk way too much!
But really, don't be like me kids.
Don't fret about the scope or complexity
of yer next update. JUST DO IT!
MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME HAPPENSTANCE!
Uhm, anyway, as always, more is coming soon.
Well, eventually. When I feel like it.
And actually have time on my hands. Peace [peace emoji]
(also wow i used a lotta abbr elements)
Short term memory
Hmm, so, where do I begin...? I have a lot on my mind.
(For at least these couple seconds hours as I type
out this meandaring ramble of a blog post)
Uhhh... Shoot.
I seem to have forgotten what was on my mind already, wow!
Just a moment while I re-open some tabs...
A confession
Right, so,
in all honesty I've kind of been ignoring my neocities, and...
Hmm, how do I phrase this?
I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT I'M DOING.
(Ignore the relatively modern design,
I had help from all my web-dev friends in &xkcd)
When I made this site, I had delusions of grandeur, involving
creating and uploading lots and lots creative projects all the time,
evolving my site to a degree of stylistic and accessibility perfection,
commanding a huge zombie-like army of obsessive fans,
and, uhm, I dunno. Probably other stuff.
I got sidetracked researching the semantics of <s> vs <del>.
Insightful parallels
Just like the late network neighborhood (which I greatly admired),
whose downfall might have seemed sudden due to its outward sheen,
this slump partially stems from the ill-thought-out nature of my site,
or at least my overbearing expectations for it.
(Also, I haven't actually done much, also like the NN)
Revelation
However, the NN is not what led me to this revelation.
Mainly, I'd been pondering over how sites
such as Yudosai, Forgetmenots, and Joppiesaus
all focused on updating their journals regularly, not their whole sites.
But the catalyst was Strata's abandonment of their journal,
or rather, their acceptance of said fact.
Websites, and their focus, change.
Sometimes, you just have to let go of your expectations.
Conclusion
So, above all, that's what I'll try to work on.
Accepting that, yes,
my site's going to continue to be a mess
while I try to work out this "life" thing.
And also uploading. I need to do that.
Thanks for bearing with me. :)
An old cliche
*sighs heavily and visibly*
So, we meet again, my old enemy... Sleep!
But, yes, just as many times before,
it is very late at night as I am writing this,
and frankly I don't feel like delving into the subtleties
of such things as why my site's been slow to update.
I should think it needless to say that I'm having... 'issues'
in my life right now that are plaguing me, and, honestly,
that I should probably deal with before updating my site.
A promise
But I digress.
Point is, I'll update this post with a thorough
and exhaustive explanation tommorow. Well, ideally.
But more likely several days later, at best,
when I can organize and structure my thoughts easier.
Until then, I hope you can enjoy this update as is.
A "prophecy" fulfilled
Soooo, yea, it took me a week, but—
I've finally returned to update! :P
So, straight to business, there are quite a few reasons
as to why I haven't been giving my site
the attention it deserves, but mainly,
I don't have my life well-organized,
don't yet have a job nor source of income,
and am also currently struggling in school.
A conclusion
This is why as much as I'd love to
spend my every waking hour working on
and adding stuff to this site, I simply cannot do so until
I get my life & schoolwork in order, and then
somehow acquire a revenue source as not to starve.
Luckily, the semester is coming to an end soon,
so hopefully I'll be able to focus
on my site a little more during the winter break.
Thank you so much for your patience. :)
A blog (and site update), finally.
Hullo! As you can see already, my site now has a blog! \o/
Exciting, right? Oaky maybe not terribly so,
but at my current rate of updates, anything is good, right? :P
I'd like to say more it, but this update took all day and
it's like midnight right now for me, so check back tommorow!
Or later today, I guess... xP
Note: Below content added on later date
I've also added a news page, a new piece of writing,
and have re-worked a bunch a html and css.
I would've added more,
but this update ended up taking pretty much all day.
If you've been following my site, you might be wondering:
why has it been taking so long to update??
This is explained in the next post, above.